I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
