Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
