I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
