for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize