Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
