I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
