Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
