My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
