discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
