i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
