went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
