new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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