ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
