I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
