I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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