how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
