Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
