so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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