Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
