Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
