I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
