Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
