one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
