she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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