She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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