He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
