I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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