I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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