I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize