I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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