You work out of a Hotel?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
