she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
