In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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