i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
