Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
