all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
