there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize