Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
