After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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