There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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