I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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