SEEEEXXX PLEASE
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
