I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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