Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
