Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
