chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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