remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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