He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
