yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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