Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i've created a new STD.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
