Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
