It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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