I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
