Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize