grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
