i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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