i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
