Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
