You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize