i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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