Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
