So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
