It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
