Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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