were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
