office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize