she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
