..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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