i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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